Roses are red

Violets are blue

ADD/ADHD won’t come between me and you!

As we all know, relationships of every kind take work! Regardless of age or gender, platonic or romantic, short-term or long-term commitment, we are still faced with many of the same challenges—from making compromises to attaining mutual levels of overall satisfaction.

For couples with ADD/ADHD involved in the equation, it’s important to understand and accept the additional factors that will come into play.

Positive Communication

It’s the cornerstone of all relationships, yet communication is usually one of the most difficult aspects to work on for ADD/ADHD couples. To move past conflict and help prevent misunderstandings, be aware that effective, straightforward communication is sometimes beyond the immediate grasp of a willing partner's control—but is not impossible.

For instance, someone with ADD/ADHD may appear not to be listening, as he or she may be fidgeting, interrupting, or have difficulty concentrating on the conversation at hand. While ordinarily these may seem like apathetic reactions, they’re likely merely symptoms of ADD/ADHD popping up.

Instead of getting irritated, try to exercise more patience, tolerance and effort. Assist your partner in remembering tasks by writing or scheduling reminders, and approach serious conversations at times when you know your partner will be the least distracted. If you’re the person in the relationship with ADD/ADHD, express your efforts to your partner, which will help both of you get on the same page. 

Unaddressed tension, anger and stress can also affect nervous system health and cause us to feel irritable and 'snappy'. Passion flower is regarded by traditional herbalists for its soothing properties and as a general nerve tonic, and can help facilitate a balanced mood, essential for good communication.

Intimacy Issues

Another important component to happy, healthy relationships is intimacy – both emotional and physical. Separate but often interdependent in serious relationships, attaining satisfaction in both areas of intimacy is usually best achieved through open lines of communication. As intimacy is greatly affected by external factors such as work, stress, or other physical conditions, these too must be taken into consideration.

It is not uncommon for people with ADD/ADHD to have additional ailments that compounds their condition, including depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders. Or, his or her partner may be suffering from one of these very common conditions. Any one or a combination of these can then lead to sexual performance issues, in either men or women.

Be sure to address any underlying conditions first, then discuss conflicts that may be a result of ADD/ADHD, such as wandering thoughts during intimate encounters, exhaustion from demands of coping with the disorder, rushing through or avoiding foreplay and affection, or becoming distracted when initial intentions were supposed to be focused on time with one's partner.

Those with ADD/ADHD often times experience issues with their sex drive. A lot of partners report feeling rejected due to the lack of interest in sex. Making small adjustments to accommodate each partner can go a long way in helping improve overall satisfaction for both partners. For instance, eliminate distractions (that “mood music” may actually be stifling libido, not helping it). Consider the time of day – even if your partner is taking medicine or natural remedies, it is possible that by evening the dosage has worn off. Discuss adjusting the dosage schedule or making time for intimacy when both partners are at their mental and physical peak.

Natural aphrodisiacs can also help awaken and improve sexual desire and functioning in both men and women. Eleutherococcus senticosis (Siberian Ginseng) is an overall system tonic for men and can help to improve low energy levels, performance and stamina. Smilax ornata (Sarsaparilla) is used as a tonic to assist female sexual functioning and also as a rejuvenating tonic.

Additional Considerations

Help play an active role in keeping each other healthy by evaluating respective lifestyle habits (and keeping in mind not to point fingers!) and make needed changes in diet, sleep, exercise, and routine. Incorporating relaxation therapies such as guided imagery, meditation techniques, or yoga can be beneficial and also help strengthen your bond.

For ADD/ADHD relationships and beyond, a holistic approach to health can greatly improve emotional and physical satisfaction and well-being, and therefore have a positive impact on your relationships.

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